


Duct Tape

by Saltly_Fries



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Crying to Sleep, Denial, Edward Elric Swears, Emotional Baggage, Eventual Happy Ending, Flashbacks, Going Through Everything Alone, Holding in emotions, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Self-Hatred, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-11 14:28:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16477307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saltly_Fries/pseuds/Saltly_Fries
Summary: After the horrific events in the Devil's Nest, Edward Elric has a secret. He bears the secret alone, too ashamed to tell anyone, not even Al. He bags his emotions away, trying to go on with the quest to get his and his brother's bodies back.But how can he save the country, how can he save his brother, if he can't save himself?





	1. Teacher is Going to Kill Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The name's Greed, and I wanna be your friend."
> 
> Hydrogen, helium,
> 
> "Quiet now, kitty. Don't want me to harm your brother, do you?"
> 
> Lithium, beryllium... 
> 
> "M-mom...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fanfic! (yay)  
> I know this chapter is rather short, but I won't make short chapters a habit.  
> WARNING!!:  
> This chapter contains some sensitive stuff (rape, etc.)  
> If you have any triggers to these kinds of things, just don't read. You have been warned.  
> Thank you!

Alphonse Elric didn't know how he got into this situation. He shouldn't have picked up the note or went to the Devil's Nest. Now he was sitting on the floor, bound with chain, and someone inside his armor.  _Brother is going to be pissed._   _Wait no, Teacher is going to be pissed. I am so dead!_

Instead of fearing that his captors will kill him like a normal suit of armor would, he was fearing that his teacher would kill him.

The man with a fur-trimmed coat and a wicked grin standing in front of Al leaned towards him. "The name's Greed, and I wanna be your friend."

"Then why don't you tell me who people are?" Al snapped back as Greed (what a strange name, he thought) started to casually saunter away.

Greed turned back around, his grin gone. "Huh?"

An image of Nina as a chimera flashed through Al's head, making him think. "You're not chimeras. It's impossible, no one's ever made a chimera that can talk." He glanced at all the people standing in front of him. Greed stepped back toward him, squatting down so they were at the same level. "You can't believe everything the government tells you, kid." He tapped on Al's shoulder, the sound of something metal and empty echoing throughout the armor. "You got all the proof you need right inside you. The girl in there is part snake. And this big guy here," he gestured to the rather buff man standing off to the side. "Roa, what were you made with? Cow?" 

The man nodded. "Yeah."

Al startled slightly.

"We've also got a lizard, and the crocodile, and the little runt you took down earlier tends to lift his leg when he pees."

Dolcetto growled angrily, embarrassed, "Only once!"

Al stared at the guy in disbelief. "You're part dog??" 

"Yep. It's really not so bad." He said.

"I don't believe it. It's not possible. Who would even be capable of creating one?" Al sputtered.

"The military." Greed stated.

Al faltered. "You say-

"You got it," Greed confirmed. "There's a shadow world beneath yours that's jam-packed with the impossible. Hell, I'm more uncommon than they are." He held up his hand, displaying a tattoo of a serpent eating its own tail. 

_An Ouroboros tattoo..._ Al noticed.

"I'm a homunculus."

"A homunculus..?"

"You know what that means, right? I'm an artificially created human. Really. No joke." Greed smirked at him.

 

_"Homunculus?" Small Alphonse and Edward were hunched over a table with books strewn across it._

_"It's a person made with alchemy," Ed explained, answering Al's question._

_"But, doesn't that book say you're not supposed to try and make people?"_

 

"You're lying!" Al defied. "Homunculus is just a theory, no one's made one!"

Greed stood up in annoyance, pulling off his sunglasses. "Oh man, guess I gotta prove it." He glanced at Roa.

Roa swung his pointed hammer, brutally slicing the top of Greed's head off with a sick, bloody sound. Blood spattered, Greed's body slumping to the ground.

Al's breath hitched, staring at Roa in horror. "Why'd you do that to him?!"

Suddenly, Greed held up a single finger, staggering to his feet as red electricity crackled around him. The top of his head slowly reformed, his skull rebuilding itself, muscles enveloping around bone. They all watched in disgust or amazement.

Grabbing his neck and popping it back into place with a groan, Greed grinned at Al. "That's one time I've died." He wiped the blood from the corners of his mouth.

"No way..." Al murmured.

"You get it yet? Nothing is impossible, alright? I'm a little surprised you would have such a hard time accepting that, considering you're just a soul in a suit of armor."

"You told you that?" His voice was small, scared and ghostly.

Greed's grin turned malicious. "People like to talk in the shadow world, and I've got plenty of friends." He leaned towards Al, chuckling. "Well, let's skip this causal chit-chat. I'm more interested in hearing what it's like to have a body that'll never die."

Al turned away slightly, uncomfortable.

"An individual soul transmuted? And bound to an object? That sounds like the perfect recipe for immortality to me. Let me explain..." Greed gestured towards himself, his purple eyes almost glowing. "See, I'm Greed. I want everything you can think of! Money and people, power and sex, status, glory. I demand the finer things! And of course, I crave eternal life."

"Aren't you already immortal?" Al asked.

"Well, I guess I was put together a little sturdier than most." Greed admitted. "I am nearly two hundred years old, but I wouldn't exactly say that I'm immortal. So, I've spilled my guts all over. Told you my darkest secret. Now it's your turn. How'd you get your body?" He demanded.

The snake girl inside of Al spoke up. "Just make this easy and tell him. Unless you rather be examined, which means we'll have to take you apart."

"I wish I could tell you. That would mean I actually remember how I got it. But even if I could, I'm not the one who did the transmutation." Al pointed out.

"That's not a problem. In that case, I'll just ask the person who did." Greed countered.

-

The door was kicked open, one of Greed's minions falling in, looking quite beat up. Behind him, was a certain familiar (and rather angry) person. The Fullmetal Alchemist. Al's brother. Edward Elric.

"Brother!" Al called out. He was so relieved, brother was here to save him!

"Never really crossed my mind that you could get kidnapped," Ed remarked sourly, stepping into the room. 

"Brother, this guy's a homunculus!" Al warned. 

Ed stopped short. "Are you serious...?" 

"Hey," Greed protested. "way to ruin it."

"We might be able to get some leads from him on how to get our original bodies back!" proclaimed Al.  _Maybe we could figure out how to create a homunculus? Would Greed actually tell us?_

Ed's glare was a fierce one. His eyes bore angrily into Al's captors.

Greed smirked, showing Ed the back of his left hand, the one with the tattoo of the serpent eating its own tail

"An ouroboros tattoo." He noted, his glare never wavering.  _The symbol of creation and destruction. What can an ouroboros tattoo have anything do to with a homunculus?_

"Aren't you observant. I was hoping that I would only have to deal with the little-armored giant." Greed said, annoyed. 

"Why don't you just ask your partners whatever you wanna know?" 

"Partners?" Greed placed his hands on his hips, taking a few steps closer to the alchemist.

"Yeah. The rest of the ouroboros gang from the fifth Lab. They had a couple of armor bonded souls with them as well." 

"You don't say? Well, it's kind of a long story, but we talk much anymore." Greed's voice was flat.

He was still glaring. At this point, Al wouldn't be surprised if his eyes turned into lasers he was glaring so hard.

"Well, I got a proposal for you. You guys are pretty desperate to get your bodies back, right? Because I could teach you how to fabricate your own homunculus in no time at all. In return, all I ask is that you teach me how to transmute a soul." Greed offered. "Classic equivalent exchange. But I really don't understand why you would want your other body back."

Ed stiffened.

"Seems you got one that's perfect already."

"No, I don't!" Al snapped.

"You're joking, right? You don't need to eat, you don't need to sleep, you don't even need to use the toilet! Sound great to me."

"That's enough," Ed growled, "shut your damn MOUTH!"

"Hmm?" Greed glanced over at him.

"Sounds great to you?! It seems perfect?! You don't know anything about the hell he's had to go through stuck with that body! And you wanna know how to transmute a soul?! You kidnap my brother and you want to trade secrets with me?! I'm gonna crush you creeps! I'll smash you! And you! And I don't give you slime ANYTHING! In other words, there won't be an exchange with you SCUM!!" Ed burst out, making a big deal out of his rather loud rant with big gestures and everything.

Greed clapped, "Feisty."

"Guess we'll be doing this by force again." Dolcetto unsheathed his sword.

"Don't kill him, all right?" 

"Yeah, yeah." He came charging at Ed.

The alchemist leaped up high, scaling over the sword's ark, twisting in the air. "You're a lot slower than I prisoner I know!" He nailed Dolcetto in the head, making the chimera cry out and slump onto the ground.

Ed clapped his hands together, then running his left hand along his other arm, his metal arm shifting in an arm sword, ripping his glove. "Next?

"Roa," Greed walked towards Ed."get the armored kid outta here. Guess we'll dismantle him. Also, lock the door behind you."

"Right." Roa agreed, picking up Al.

Fear rippled through Al.  _Dismantle? What about brother??_ "Hey!" he protested, as he was abruptly picked up and carried out of the room.

"Drop him!" Ed came rushing towards them. He lunged at Greed, lashing out with his automail, only to have to clash against Greed's now grey hand. He pressed harder, but to no avail. He tried to strike the man several times, but Greed dodged with ease. After a couple of tries, Greed counter-attacked, their weapons clashing. He clawed at Ed with his shielded hand, but Ed ducked just in time to clap his hands and press them to the ground, making stepping stone out of the floor leading up. He jumped up the steps, then coming down at Greed with an air strike. 

Greed held up his arms, Ed's automail just bouncing off. "Nope, sorry. That little hand sword of yours is pretty neat but it can't even scratch my Ultimate Shield!" He started to run at Ed, but he quickly clapped and pressed his hands to the floor, causing large spikes to sudden poke out, heading toward Greed. Once the spikes reached Greed, he sliced the stone in half with his claws. Ed pressed a hand against the closest spike to him, causing it to explode and have little shards come flying at Greed. Ed jumped, coming down on Greed, wrapping his legs around the other's neck and twisting, smashing his head into the ground, the hard stone cracking and breaking under the force. Blood spurted out the back of Greed's head.

"Guard your head next time!" Ed said triumphantly, sure that he had won until Greed's arm came back up at his face, managing to slice Ed's chest before he could stumble back.

Greed sat up, blood trickling down his head. "Aw, that hurt. That move would've hospitalized most people." 

"But you're not like most people, huh?" Ed countered. 

"Well, my body is." Greed grabbed the back of his neck, red electricity flickering around his head as he healed. "All that except my Ultimate Shield and advanced healing powers." He took a step toward the alchemist. "Nothin' special, but you're never gonna beat me, so I suggest making a deal."

Ed clutched his wound, staring him down in determination.

"Oh, you're one of _those_ guys. You don't care if someone beats the crap out of you, but when someone lays a finger on a family member, you completely freak out." He continued his walk towards Ed. Ed tensed, getting ready to fight again.

"Then I suppose..." Greed mused quietly to himself.

"Suppose what?" Ed spat. He was getting sick of just screwing around. He needed to defeat this guy, grab Al, and escape.

Greed ignored Ed's question, looking like he was debating something in his head. 

"Suppose what?!" Ed lunged at Greed, arm posed to strike. At the last moment, the homunculus grabbed Ed's arm, lifting him above the ground so they were eye-to-eye. "I guess we have time."

"Have time for what?! Put me down and answer my questions, you bastard!" Ed twisted and kicked, but Greed's grip was too strong and his legs were too short to reach Greed.

Greed grinned. "Calm down, tomcat." He reached out with his shielded hand and clawed at the alchemist's automail, shredding it open. Ed's eyes widened as his right arm went slack, something clearly broken. "Now you won't be able to transmute, right? This should make things easier." Greed let go of him, letting him drop to the ground. Ed scrambled away, pressing his back against the cool, concrete wall. 

_Shit, this isn't good. The door's on the other side of the room. I need to get out of here! I hope Al's doing okay..._

Suddenly with amazing speed, Greed was right in front of him, pressing an arm against his chest, holding him in place. Before Ed knew what was going on, his pants were around his ankles.

_What the hell?!_

"I don't usually do this to kids, but you're the exception." Greed was uncomfortably close, to the point where Ed could feel his hot breath on his face. He licked his lips, "You're too good to pass up."

He struggled against Greed.  _This isn't happening._ "Let me go you-"

"Quiet now, kitty. Don't want me to harm your brother, do you?" taunted Greed. "If you're a good boy and tell me how to transmute a soul, I might stop."

Ed was silent. His mouth was dry, and his limbs felt stiff. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.  _Why can't I run?!_

Greed hummed, "Too bad."

Then there was the sound of a zipper unzipping.

His heart was pounding in his chest. His head felt foggy.  _Please be a dream, please be a dream, please be a dream._

Ed tried to pull away, but it was too late.

_Hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium..._

_-_

It was over. 

_Fluoride, sodium..._

Greed pulled away, laughing.

_Potassium, krypton..._

"Now how was that? I know you enjoyed it."

_Oxygen, xenon..._

His pants were pulled back on.

_Boron, helium..._

The door burst open, "EDWARD-" she stopped short when she saw Ed.

_Aluminum, Teacher, iron..._

"Who are you?" Greed asked. "hey lady, I don't fight women-"  _WHAM!_

_Gold, lead..._

Greed pulled up his Ultimate Shield.

_Hydrogen, carbon... carbon!_

_Humanbodyis18_ _%carbonshieldhardweaktransmute-_

"C-carbon shield..." Ed wheezed out, sounding hoarse.

Teacher didn't hear him.

"Carbon shield!" Ed said louder, his voice cracking with effort. Teacher noticed and thankfully understood.

_Silver, neon..._

His brain was scrambled eggs.

He turned to the side and vomited.

_Hydrogenheliumlthiumberylliumboroncarbonnitrogenoxygenfluorideneonsodiummagnesiumalumniumsiliconphosphatesulfurchlorineargonpotassiumcalciumscandiumtitaniumvandiumchromiummanganeseiron-_

Someone was shaking him.

"Ed!"

His face was wet.

Someone who smelled like lemons and books wrapped their arms around him.

_"M-mom..?"_

He passed out.

* * *

 

"Is Ed okay?

He opened his eyes. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. There were soldiers all around him, including Major Armstrong. Next to him, was Al. His chest was opened, displaying his bloody(?) hollow inside.

He lifted his head. "What happened..?"

_"You like that, kitty?"_

Memories came rushing back

Ed wanted to throw up again.

"Oh, you're awake." Major Armstrong said. "Are you feeling okay?"

He opened his mouth, but he hesitated.  _Don't tell him. Do you really want him to know?_ "Yeah." He looked at Al. "What happened to you?"

"I-"

"Hold up you two." The Führer walked towards them, all the soldiers saluting. "There are a few questions I want to ask both of you before you two leave. Have either of you had previous dealings with the man who referred to himself as 'Greed'?"

"Course not." Ed stood up, ignoring the pain and uncomfortableness in his crotch.

"Did you happen to trade any matter of information with him?"

"None at all. And the military wasn't even mentioned, not once."

"That isn't my concern. Let me be more specific. If you arranged a deal or shared any knowledge with him, then I'll execute both of you right now." The Führer's voice went low and dangerous, the soldiers now pointed their guns at the Elric brothers. "I'll ask again. Did you share any knowledge that might affect the military?"

His tone of voice made Ed want to shrivel up and die. "No. Can we go now?"

"I am curious about your steel arm and leg and your brother's armor body. Is there any connection between the two?"

Both Ed and Al startled slightly.  _Shit._

The Führer chuckled, his demeanor changing, "You really are an honest kid." he turned and started to walk away. "All right men, pull out. And you make sure to take care of your younger brother, Edward."

* * *

 

Ed and Al were sitting outside of the meat shop, under the night sky. The side door to the shop was open, casting light out unto the dark, a stark contrast. Crickets chirped in the background, but otherwise, it was silent. Ed was polishing Al's armor with his left hand, his other arm dangling uselessly at his side.

"Brother."

Ed looked up.

"You've been awfully quiet. Is something wrong?" 

_Don't tell him. He'll hate you._ "No."

"Are you sure? You can tell me anything-"

"I said nothing's wrong!" Ed cut Al off quickly, wanting to change the subject. _Nothing happened at the Devil's Nest._ Al looked away. "Sorry... uh, my memories returned," Al said, changing the subject. "The memories of my body being taken away. I remember."

"What'd you see?" Ed asked.

"Hm... well it was definitely weird. But unfortunately, I didn't find anything on how to get our bodies back."

"That's okay." he stood up.

Al snapped his straps back on. "I guess we haven't made any progress."

"That's not true. Remember how the Führer said he was trying to gather information on the ouroboros gang? If he was trying to gain information, then why did he slaughter everyone?" 

"Yeah, good point. It also seems weird that the Führer himself would lead an attack against such a small group." Al said.

"None of this adds up..."

Teacher came out of the side door. "Ed."

He looked up.

"Come in, I need to talk to you." She beckoned Ed inside.

"Okay..." he stepped inside with Teacher, unsure. She shut the door, making his anxiety spike.  _Calm the hell down. It's just Teacher. She won't hurt you._

She looked at him with a serious look in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

Ed blinked in surprise. This wasn't what he was expecting. "Y-yeah. I'm fine."

"When I found you, you didn't look fine."

He was silent.

"You looked absolutely terrified and miserable. You threw up, then passed out. Did anything happen?" her voice was gentle like a mother's, laced with concern.  _Nothinghappenednothinghappenednothinghappened-_

"No. He just... spooked me, that's all." Even to Ed, the lie sounded sad and pathetic. He did more than justspook.  _Stay calm. Don't let her know. She doesn't need to know._

Teacher shot him a suspicious look. "Oh really?"

He nodded.  _Letmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeout-_

"If you're lying to me, I'll find out, Ed." She glared at him. "You shouldn't lie to me about things."

He was starting to get antsy. He needed to leave _now._

She turned and walked away. 

Ed rushed outside like he was on fire, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down. 

"What did Teacher want to talk to you about?" asked Al.

"...nothing much. Let's go back inside."

 

 

 


	2. I Meet Yet Another Annoying Person Who Gets in My Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're still moving ahead, little by little."  
> "Hey kid... you dead?"  
> The bodies are starting to pile up.

Underneath the Elric brothers, there was the all too familiar rattle of train wheels on track. The southern Amestris countryside passed by as Ed slowly nodded off to sleep. He didn't get a wink of rest the night before, therefore making him more tired than usual. But since the train ride was so short, he was attempting to stay awake, as falling asleep would only result in making him more exhausted.  

He propped up his head with his arm resting against the little ledge under the window because his head felt too heavy for his neck. Every once in a while, his eyes would close and his head would slowly dip forward, before snapping back up, eyes wide. In other words, he was failing miserably at staying awake.

His head slumped forward, his arm slipping, his head then smashing into the ledge. He immediately sprung up, rubbing his forehead, letting out a string of curses as Al tried not to laugh. 

"You should try to be more careful, brother." giggled Al. 

Ed glared at him, "Shut up."

The train then hissed to a stop, Rush Valley right outside. 

"Let's get going?" asked Al.

"Yeah."

-

"Hey, Winry."

The brothers had arrived at Garfiel's automail shop.

Winry, who was moving a box, looked up. "Oh hi Ed, hi Al! What are you two doing here?" she smiled brightly at the both of them.

Ed held up his broken automail. "Well uh..."

She was frozen for a moment with a smile on her face before snapping out of her trance and hitting him on the head with a wrench. "You idiot! Even Paninya picked up an honest job and you two can't even seem to stay out of trouble."

"Really? She is?" Al sounded curious. Ed rubbed his head, wincing.

Winry nodded. "She's given up her former life of a pickpocket and now she earns her money by fixing roofs and other odd jobs," she said. "And what about the two of you, huh? Made any progress?" she led Ed and Al into the shop. She made Ed lay down on a bench as she looked at his automail.

"Yeah, we have. It's slow going though... We're still moving ahead, little by little."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it." Winry adjusted somethings within the automail. "All right, I've done all I can for now. I'm missing some parts, so you'll have to make do with a patch job. I'll go get what you need, but until then, you have some time to kill."

They headed out of the shop. 

"Kill some time huh? And how do you do that in a town completely made out of automail shops?" Ed grumbled, looking around at the bustling town. He flexed his now (somewhat) working mechanical fingers. "Hey Al-" he glanced where Al had been.  _Where the hell did he go?_  He then saw Al sitting by a tiny alleyway. He walked towards him, "Did you find another stay cat..?"

"Uh... well, no." Al turned around, holding an unconscious person.

 

"Woo-ho! I feel so much better. You guys are lifesavers. Thanks a lot!" the stranger exclaimed, a pile of dishes sitting between him and the brothers. They were at a restaurant titled 'Meshi'. "Your treat, right?"

Ed already hated this guy. He had a sword in his belt, and now he was trying to mooch off of them. "When did I say I was paying?"

"Let's not dwell over something so small."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL?!"

The stranger laughed, "How lucky I am to have found such hospitality? So far from home."

"Far from home? You mean you're not from here?" Al asked.

"That's right," the stranger confirmed. "I'm from Xing."

"That is the country east of the desert, right?"

"Yeah. And crossing that desert was rough, let me tell you."

"Why in the world would you take that route?"

"I wanted to visit the ruins of Xerxes. That route goes by them."

Ed piped up. "Ruins of Xerxes? I heard there's next to nothing out there." _Xerxes. The bountiful country that was completely destroyed in one night. No survivors._

"I wanted to see for myself. Anyway, I was headed here to do some alkahestry research. I believe it's called alchemy in your country. In Xing, it's known as alkahestry. It's mainly used in medical professions.'' said the stranger.

"Different countries, different customs..." the State Alchemist mused. "It's mainly used for military here."

"I have to say, I'm curious about alkahestry," said Al.

"By any chance, are you two alchemists?" the stranger propped up his head with his hands.

"We are actually. I'm Edward Elric, a State Alchemist." Ed sat up a little straighter.

"And I'm his younger brother, Alphonse Elric." Al gestured toward himself.

"My name is Ling Yao," the stranger shook hands with the both of them. "it's a pleasure to meet you."

"So, what can you tell us about alkahestry?" questioned Al.

"Nothing. I'm actually not an alkahestrist."

Ed huffed, "If you don't practice alkahestry, why come all the way here to research it?"

"Well, see, I'm looking for something. It's possible you two have heard it before. A Philosopher's Stone," The two Elric brothers stiffened. _That's something you DON'T want to be looking for._ "I'm _very_ eager to find it. Do you know anything about it?"

This completely changed the game. Ed wasn't sure at first if they could trust this guy, but now he was sure. 

They both stood up. "No," Ed said, "we can't help you."

Ling smirked. "You wouldn't be lying to me, now would you?" he snapped his fingers. Suddenly, there was a knife against Ed's throat. "So, do you have something to tell me?"

"Why do you have an interest in the Philosopher's Stone?" Ed grit his teeth.

The Xingese man grinned. "I want to achieve immortality." he stood up. "Out with it. What do you know?"

"Immortality? Please, what a bunch of nonsense." Ed scoffed.

"Not to me, it isn't."

"And I have to say, I don't care for your way of asking questions." Ed pushed away the knife with his right hand, "Kinda rude, don't you think?" he tried to hit the knife bearer, but they dodged quickly, jumping up into the air and twisting, the landing on the State Alchemist. 

"Brother!" Al grabbed the sword that was pressed against his arm.

"You're going to fight us too?!" asked the old man who wielded the sword. 

"Hey! Hold on!"

The old man took a few steps back, then running at Al, jumping and twisting around the sword, kicking Al in the chest and making him stumbled back and fall. 

"Is that guy an acrobat?" grumbled Ed, who was on the dusty ground next to his brother. 

"Must be a Xingese fighting style. Could be tough to beat." Al sat up.

"But still not as strong,"

"As teacher!" Al finished Ed's sentence. The two Xingese people came at the Elric brothers. 

* * *

The fight had ended disastrously. Ed ended having to destroy his arm to gain the upper hand, but that earned him a wrench to the head from Winry. And now Ling was going to tag along, bugging him for information about the Philosopher's Stone.

Ed was laying on a guest bed in the extra room in Garfiel's shop. Al was downstairs.

The sun had set a long time ago, the moon now prevailing in the starry sky. Rush Valley was silent, for most people were asleep. He was tired, but every time he closed his eyes, he saw Greed. He sat up, for staring at the ceiling had lost its entertainment awhile ago. 

_He was feeling all the wrong things in all the wrong places. It was too hot, his insides were on fire. Greed's laugh echoed in his ears. He wanted to die. Stopbreathingstopseeingstopfeelingpleasestop-_

He shook his head as if trying to make the memories fall out of his brain. 

_He named off the elements. Forward, backward, by families, and any other way he could think of. Anything to distract himself. Anything to make Greed go away._

Going through the day, trying to pretend everything was fine, was so hard. Every smile, every word, was strained. He wrapped his arms around his sides as if trying to hold himself together.

_He couldn't breathe. It felt like there was something tight around his chest, squeezing his lungs. He couldn't get enough air. The room was spinning and closing in, too tight too much-_

Ed stood up, rushing over to the window.  _Getoutgetoutgetoutgetougetoutgetoutgetoutcantbreatheletmego-_ He opened the window, then jumping out of it, ignoring the sting of pain shooting up his feet. He broke into a run, to get away, trying to escape the pain and memories. 

_Hydrogenheliumlithiumberylliumboroncarbon-_

 

He didn't know how long he ran. Everything was a blur. He ran into his lungs were going to explode, his legs were going to collapse. 

He staggered to a stop, his lungs heaving for air. His legs buckled underneath him, his knees hitting dirt. Looking up, he realized that he was now quite a distance from Rush Valley. " _Damn..._ " he gasped, pressing his fingers into the ground, digging up soil. Why wouldn't Greed just leave him alone already?! 

His eyes started to fill with tears, but he quickly wiped them away.  _No point in crying about something that didn't happen._ Looking up at the sky, he saw constellations. The stars have seen all things, yet they were silent. They saw wars and famine tear through countries, yet they did nothing.

_Why are the stars so cruel?_

Suddenly, all his built up fatigue seemed to hit him all at once. He couldn't keep his eyes open even if he tried.

He let himself fall forward, and succumb to sleep.

* * *

 

"Hey kid... you dead?"

Ed stirred. "Mhmm..?" he opened his eyes, to see a man wearing overalls and a straw hat looming over him. Sudden panic filling him, he sat up immediately, scrambling away from the stranger as fast as his sleepy limbs could.

"Woah woah, didn't mean to scare you." the man reassured, holding up his hands in a surrender. "Mind if I ask, what are you doing out all alone sleeping in the middle of the road?" he gestured at the dirt path beneath them.

_Shit, I didn't realize that I was in the middle of the road!_

The man laughed gently, "You don't have to tell me. You need a ride to town, kid? My conscious wouldn't forgive me if I just left you here."

He debated the options in his head, either walk back to Rush Valley (which was actually really fucking far away) or hitch a ride with the stranger.  _Breathe. He seems nice enough..._

Ed nodded hesitantly.  _If he tries anything funny, I'll show him hell._ The man walked over to him, holding out his hand. He grabbed it, letting the stranger help him up. "My car's over here." the man led him to the car. They both got in.

"What's your name, kid? My name's William Arthur."

The golden-eyed alchemist stayed silent. He pressed himself as close to the door as possible.

"Quite the shy one, eh? Well, I'm an automail mechanic in Rush Valley. I live with my brother, who's also a mechanic. We've been making good money these days, y'know. Lots of customers."

He didn't like this. William was being too nice, too friendly.  _Idonttrusthimcanttrusthimpleasenotagain-_

He pressed harder against the door.  _Ineedtoleave-_

William looked back at him. "You okay kid?" 

_Too much._ Ed grabbed the door handle, pulling on it. His heart was trying to beat out of his chest. He was breathing too fast.  _Why isn't it opening?! Is it locked?!_ He tugged on the handle, trying to get the locked car door to magically open.  _Please let me leave!-_

"Calm down!" the man stopped the car. "You need to take deep breaths." he demonstrated for him.

He followed William's lead.

_In-_

_Hydrogen_

_Out-_

_Helium_

_In-_

_Lithium_

_Out-_

_Beryllium_

_In-_

_Boron_

_Out-_

_Carbon_

_In-_

_Nitrogen_

_Out-_

_Oxygen_

"There you go. I'm not going to hurt you." at some point, William had climbed into the backseat with him. "Do you have panic attacks regularly?"

_Panic attacks?_

Ed stared at him with unsure eyes.

The man sighed, "I'm going to drive now. Promise to not freak out on me, okay?"

He nodded.

William climbed back into the front seat and started driving again. They were both silent for a while. 

"We're here," William said. Ed looked up and saw that they were in Rush Valley.  _Al and Winry and probably worried sick._ "Do you need help finding your parents or..?" 

He shook his head rapidly.  _I have no parents to go to._ William unlocked the car doors. Ed stepped out, looking around.  _I didn't realize how late it is in the day..._ He turned around, looking at the man and giving him a nod of thanks before starting to walk off.  _Time to find them..._

"Brother!!" a familiar voice sounded from a distance. Ed looked toward the direction it was coming from and saw a large suit of armor running at him, along with a girl with long blonde hair.  _Al and Winry._ Once the two caught up to him, they bombarded him with questions.

"Where have you been?!"

"We've been looking for you!"

"Why are you covered in dirt?!"

"Why did you disappear all of a sudden?! I was worried, brother!"

He felt terrible. He was too buried in his own self-pity to even think of his own brother. "Sorry uh... I went for a walk. I lost track of time." Ed rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"That doesn't explain why you're covered in dirt," Al said.

"I fell." he could feel both of their suspecting eyes on him. He shifted from foot to foot, anxious. 

"Well, now we missed the train to central! We're going to have to take the evening train and arrive there tomorrow morning." Winry placed her hands on her hips. 

Ed looked at the ground, wanting to disappear. "Sorry." 

* * *

 

The Elric brother and Winry exited the train. Ed stretched. "Man, I'm stiff."

"Hours on a train will do that to you," remarked Al. 

"Hey." They all looked up to see Lan Fan and Fu on the top of the train. "Have you seen the Young Lord?" Fu stared at them intently.

They all glanced around. "He's not here," Al said.

"I don't know. Maybe he ran off again." put in Winry.  

"Good grief! I can't take my eyes off him for a second." he and Lan Fan drooped.

"Let's go," Ed grunted, walking off.

"Coming." Al and Winry said in unison, following the State Alchemist.

-

"Lieutenant Hawkeye? What are you doing here?" Ed asked. They were at Center Command, heading to see Lieutenant Colonel Hughes. They had parted ways with Winry awhile ago.

"Hey guys, it's been awhile." Lieutenant Hawkeye greeted.

"If Lieutenant's here that means so is-"

"Thanks for waiting." Colonel Mustang walked up behind Hawkeye, a book in his arms.  _Yep, the Colonel._ "Well, hello Fullmetal."

"Colonel Mustang, what are you doing here in Central?" Ed asked through grit teeth. 

"Didn't you hear? I was transferred to this branch last month."

"Great." he rolled his eyes.  _More annoying people to deal with._

"And you guys? What brings you here?" 

"We're going to do a little information gathering." Al interjected, "and we thought that we would pay Lieutenant Colonel Hughes a visit later today. Do you know where he is?"

Mustang stiffened. Hawkeye looked away.  _What's up with them?_ "He not here. He retired out in the country, and took his wife and daughter with him, to take over the family business." Hawkeye looked back at the Colonel is disbelief. "So, he's not here."

"That's too bad..." Al said. "we were hoping to see him." 

The Flame Alchemist turned away abruptly. "Fullmetal. Watch yourself. Don't do anything crazy."

"Okay..." At this point, Ed was confused. They were acting strangely. He watched the Colonel walk away, the Lieutenant trailing after him.

"I can't believe Hughes is actually gone..." Ed whispered. Why would Hughes leave so suddenly? He seemed so happy here, and even if he did retire, he probably would have told them.

"Oh! I almost forgot," Al spoke up. "we need to tell Winry all about this. She went straight to the Hughes' house."

"Yeah, you're right." he turned, starting to run, but then running straight into someone. He grunted, stumbling back. "Lieutenant Ross!"

Ross recovered from the shock and smiled at the two. "I haven't seen you guys in a while. You're in a hurry, why the rush?"

"We just heard about Lieutenant Colonel Hughes."

Her mood immediately changed. "Yeah... it's rough news, huh?" she looked down.

Ed continued on talking obliviously. "There was still so much we wanted to tell him about."

"We would have liked to say goodbye," Al said all too lightly.

"We weren't able to reach you," Ross admitted," don't worry though. The military gave him a proper send-off."

"Wow, that was nice," noted Al.

The Lieutenant was solemn. "That's how it's done. Also, if you boys haven't already, and I'm sure you'll both be glad to know. He was promoted. Two whole ranks."

The State Alchemist startled slightly. "To Brigadier General?" 

"He retired to the country and they promoted him?" Al inquired. Ross covered her mouth in horror, realizing her mistake. She glanced between the two of them, her eyes apologetic."

Suspicions swirled through Ed's mind. "Lieutenant Ross..?" Her silent was a confirmation. Suddenly, it clicked. "No... not the Lieutenant Colonel. Why him?!" he stepped toward Ross.  _He can't be dead._  

"Brigadier General Hughes is dead. He was murdered shortly after you were discharged from the hospital, Edward. I'm afraid we still haven't found the person responsible." Ross informed the Elric brothers.

Ed was still for a moment before dropping his luggage and pushing past her, breaking into a run. 

"Brother!" Al ran after Ed, although he wasn't nearly as fast as he was. He kept running, running down the steps, out into the street.

Conversations Ed had had with Hughes about the homunculi.  _This is all my fault! I'm the one who pulled him into this! It's all my fault! Hughes didn't deserve to die, he has a wife and a daughter!_ He stumbled to a stop in an alleyway. He leaned against a brick wall.  _Hughes ~~is~~_ was  _an innocent man..._ Ed slumped down to the ground hopelessly.  _Why is everything going to hell? Why am I so helpless in every situation?!_

Al caught up to him. "Brother..."

He stared at the ground.  _Mom, Nina, Hughes- the bodies are starting to pile up._

Al grabbed Ed's shoulder. "Brother. We need to catch up to Winry and tell her,"

"Yeah," he mumbled.  _Itsmyfaultitsmyfaultitsmyfaulthedidntdeservethis-_ He pulled himself to his feet.

_I have to stay strong for Al._

 

 

 


End file.
